A Million Little Things is an American drama that airs on ABC. I’m not gonna give you a full history of the show but I will run down the info relevant to the characters living anonymously.

Background

Regina “Gina” is a co-owner of a restaurant with her friend Delilah. The building was a gift from Delilah’s late husband but they needed additional funding. Gina went to her mother for money; however, her mother obtained the money from Gina’s late uncle who sexually abused her as a child. Regina refused and donated the money to charity. Months later, the charity makes contact to invite her to a benefit and ask permission to name her as one of their top donors, but she declines.

Delilah happened to meet Andrew, who has several restaurants and is willing to invest at the last minute to bridge the gap needed to open the restaurant. He is [basically] courting Delilah but keeps bumping heads with Gina and constantly throwing her worst fears in her face so she will listen to him. In this episode, Gina tries to take his suggestions after being reminded that he has successful restaurants under his belt and seeing only a few patrons during the dinner rush. He sets her up with a web developer who makes glaring errors in her bio. Now you’re all caught up!

Rome comes home to find his wife Regina visibly upset over her meeting with the web developer. She explained how the restaurant was a gift of love from Jon and how she has no regrets for donating her uncle’s money but that she shouldn’t have done so anonymously. While reconciling her past, she declares that she is a survivor, she is going to the benefit and they are going to know her name.

Rome is supportive but wondering how it all connects.

She goes on to say that Andrew isn’t helping out of love; he is a businessman in a position of power over her and compared it to feeling victimized by her uncle many years ago. Andrew is trying to manipulate her into doing what he wants, but she ain’t having that. She wants to run her restaurant her way and buy Andrew out; Rome immediately contacts a colleague who asked him to produce a commercial.

They give the other cast members some air time…

When we see Rome and Regina again Rome is working on his laptop telling Gina about his meeting with a director. The director wanted him to change his screenplay, Invisible, which centers around surviving depression and suicidal thoughts, to a more palatable challenge like a sports injury to make it more “commercial.” Rome ignores the suggestion and instead adds: Based on a true story to his title page and says “I don’t want to be anonymous anymore, either.”

Me Living Anonymously

I think It hit me so hard because I had just written my blog about how I came out to my immediate family two years ago. I only shared that info with people that I share life with. No extended family or old friends so I was still living anonymously to everyone else. I didn’t think I cared if other people knew but releasing the blog was cathartic and I feel a little lighter. I know that my “churched” family isn’t affirming but they’ll still love me and if not, oh well 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Another way I was living anonymously was by biting my tongue.

I was agreeable and passive. If I didn’t care I wouldn’t argue, correct, or even disagree. I went with the flow instead of making waves but, no more. It’s crazy because I can’t even pinpoint when I reverted. As a kid, I had a mouth on me; I constantly received negative feedback from older kids and adults at school, girl scouts, and even in my family.

Bittersweet Memories

I remember believing that Acts of Service was my love language. I am good-natured but I was conditioned to believe that I had to earn love, that wasn’t an innate quality. When I got fed up around 10 or 11, I was shamed for being lazy by my dad. I became a people-pleaser. My actual love languages are quality time and words of affirmation.

I remember taking coins from my dad’s change dish. I would make frequent trips to the store after school until this lady who lived directly across the street from my school began selling candy outside of her house. Thinking back, it was pretty sketchy for her to be selling candy across from a school. Karma came back around though, just ask my dentist.

I remember the twins down the street blackmailing me and initiating my first sexual experience when I was like eight. I didn’t know what humping/grinding was because no one talked about anything related to sex at that age. Another rant for another time.

I remember minding my business one day and this older kid passionately told her friend, “Yo, I hate this kid” as she made a choking motion toward me.

I remember my troop leader commending me for maturing. It’s not that I was wild but it was my mouth that always got me in trouble. It was a nice sentiment but I hadn’t matured; my spirit was just bruised by all of the teasing and bullying I endured.

I remember sitting in a chair at a family function and my cousin invaded my personal space to taunt me and I pushed her into a cabinet and captured everyone’s attention. All she could say was, “I didn’t know she was so strong” and she left me alone from that point forward.

I remember trying to help some dude with a sob story, having my debit card stolen, and having $600 withdrawn from my account. The bank put the money back but I developed trust issues and built walls to keep people away.

I remember trying to earn love from my friend’s family because I felt invisible in mine. They helped me grow, a bit, emotionally but the love was conditional.

I remember unenthusiastically consenting to sex when I didn’t feel like it just to keep the peace with an emotionally manipulative male. He was the worst.

I remember taking on additional cases at work because I didn’t know how to say no, without guilt. It makes me cringe when my dad tells my nephew, “don’t tell me no.” It’s a perfectly normal stage of development. Is this why it has always been hard for me to say no?

I remember a supervisor ridiculing me on FB when I began establishing boundaries in my professional life. I’ve had to reteach people how I will allow them to treat me.

I had a friend who almost died in a bus accident. I say had because we haven’t spoken in ages. She suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury and I had no idea how to support her. I had a hard time processing the entire situation as a bystander. I sought therapy to address stress, depression, and anxiety.

The phrase that echoed through my mind was, there has to be more to life than this. That is when I woke up and began my journey to a better me.

Once she returned home, I tried to be a friend but everything was different. I think she sensed my apprehension and I sensed that she didn’t want to be bothered with conversation; eventually, she stopped communicating altogether. It hurt, but I recognize that she has to do what she needs to do for herself. All I can do is wish her the best and keep it moving.

I have been in reflection mode for over a year. While I clearly captured numerous bitter events from my past, the growth and revelations are sweet. I began Future-Self Journaling in June 2019. Some of the traits I wanted to improve upon were: confidence, courage, decisiveness, dedication, expression, eloquence, fearlessness, focus, freedom, grace, humility, interdependence, presence, patience, responsiveness, etc. I could go on and on; I wrote three-a-day with minimal duplicates. With consistent practice, I see progress almost daily.

My journey has been amazing. I journal, meditate, sit with my feelings, and process the discomfort that may arise. I’ve been exercising more and eating healthier. I confront people and ask for clarification when I need it instead of running off with my thoughts. I spend time in nature, I take up space, and I have fun.

Above all else, I am my number one priority. Though I have always been a late bloomer, I’m growing like crazy right now AND I LOVE IT.

I know this is a long one but You Made It! I’d love to hear from you!

For My Readers and Dreamers

Can you think of a time when you felt anonymous or invisible?

What made you decide enough is enough?

What can you do consistently to maintain your progress?