I have always felt a kinship to the LGBTQ community although I never felt the need to “come out”. I would share within my circle but sex was always hush-hush growing up. This may be partly because women are often shamed for being sexual beings.

Keeping with that mindset my sexuality was nobody’s business. I went through my questioning phase in private, only talking with a few close friends. When I began dating my first girlfriend, I sent my immediate family a text message:

They initially thought I was joking but after a few conversations and questions, they realized I was serious. They met her when I moved into my house but that was the extent of their interaction. She still participated in my housewarming though we were already broken up at that time… (she wanted exclusivity and then kissed someone else). We tried to be friends but she wanted a relationship and I didn’t trust her. That frustrated her too much so we just parted ways. She came back a year later like, “I want to be friends” and I passed.

Anywho, I was low-key heartbroken. We realized early on that we wouldn’t be together forever but

I DID NOT DESERVE THAT SHIT.

Me: “If this is what I have to look forward to from women then I’ll just stick to men.”

It was easy at first. I met a southern gentleman who was cool but he wanted more than I was emotionally available to provide…and he had three kids.

After deciding to take a break from dating for about a year, I worked on some reparenting and self-awareness. I decided to get back in the game on Plenty of Fish (POF) and then met another guy. We hit it off, talked and video chatted for a couple of weeks. I let him pick me up on our first date. He met the fam.

We were dating and abstaining for about three months when a friend of his died. He got weird. I initiated a conversation to address the distance between us and asked if he needed space. He said, yeah and we just stopped talking. Here I am thinking we could’ve gone the distance… I talked to a couple of other guys but I began noticing women again in June of 2019 just before my trip to Spain.

At that point, I realized there wasn’t anything special about my ex and contemplated my sexual identity. I decided to identify as queer because it’s all-encompassing and I don’t like boxes or limitations.

As I started to integrate into the Queer community I was excited to make new friends. I envisioned it looking something like this: #squadgoals

Instead, the expressed heteronormative preferences for either feminine or masculine partners disappoints me; there is so much beauty in between, but I digress.

Although my sexuality is my business, I am making this statement, in honor of National Coming Out Day, because I am not ashamed. I love all 145lbs of me. I love my girlfriend and I only need my approval of my lifestyle.

I’ve studied the bible for years so I know that God loves me; I differ from Christians who want the LGBTQ community to struggle with being who we are because “homosexuality was not in the original design.” I like to think of Jesus as the remix and his greatest commandment was to love the lord your god and love your neighbor as yourself… take that however you like.

I choose to believe that Jesus would say, “love is love” knowing he still has a purpose for me and all of my queerness. Why? Because he never brought it up. If we are followers of Christ why do we choose to draw the line on this topic that Jesus didn’t speak on and ignore those that he clearly spoke out against?

I know the many reasons why coming out could be difficult and I want to encourage anyone that may be struggling to talk to someone. Suicide rates among LGBTQ teens and young adults ain’t nothing to joke about. If you don’t have anyone to talk to email me and I’ll help connect you to someone!

chonte@deferreddreams.com

For my LGBTQ readers and dreamers:

How about we fully embrace ourselves, live our lives with passion and authenticity, and let everyone else struggle through their issues with our lifestyle?

If you’re Out, what was Coming Out like for you? Did you have the support you needed?

Where are all my spiritual queers?